The Dance Mom Handbook

Frankly, I have always been much more comfortable as a sports mom. But when Madeline gave up soccer and tried out for the dance company, I rode a huge learning curve.

You see all kinds at these dance competitions.  You see mothers pulling in giant chests of drawers on wheels, complete with pink leopard print and a prominently bedazzled "Britney".  You see the chaos of the dressing rooms with frantic dancers making quick changes.  You see mothers and daughters sniping at each other under the stress of time constraints and nerves.  But I have learned some things as a "dance mom" from my own mistakes, as well as watching some train wrecks that  have become cautionary tales.  So I find it incumbent on me to devise a brief handbook of sorts for fellow and future dance moms.

Rule #1.  Organize. Participating in dance competitions can be an organizational nightmare.  With quick changes involving different tights, costumes, shoes, hair, and multiple accessories, it behooves the dance mom to embrace the Ziploc bag and group everything according to performance.

Rule #2.  Invest in a steamer.  Travel and tulle do not mix.  Learned that one this last weekend.

Rule #3.  There is no quitting on your kid.  Yes, our daughters get snippy with us under the pressure.  They get nervous and flustered.  We are their safe, easy targets.  We teach them to manage the situation by sticking with them, showing them our own grace under pressure, and seeing them through the chaos.  Their young brains cannot keep all of the proverbial balls in the air.  They need us.  We nip their griping in the bud and we stay and help.  The only "lesson" you teach your kid by leaving her to flounder is that she is not worth the trouble.  You signed her up for this.  Step up.

Rule #4.  Dance moms are not doormats.  With rule #3 in mind, we dance moms are not "the help" and our daughters are not "the divas".  I may be doing her hair and handing her earrings, but she is not the boss of me!  Her dad and I make this all happen for her.  And that is all I have to say for her to step back into herself.

Rule #5.  They are more than dancers.  Our girls work hard at this.  They train, practice, and rehearse all year.  They are dancers, but that is not all they are.  They are daughters, sisters, friends, students, athletes, writers, etc.  We must remind ourselves and our daughters that they have talents, skills, and value beyond the dance world.  It is not who they are;  it is what they love to do.  There is a tremendous difference.

Rule #6.  Be nice.  Help other moms and/or their children who are new or who appear distressed.  Honestly, we are grown-ups.  Let's show our kids how NOT to be mean girls.

Rule #7.  Follow Rules 1-6.  This experience can be unbelievably fun for the dance mom and her daughter if they observe these rules.  Set your daughter up for success, be an example of kindness, and let her have some fun.   Make these memories good ones.  She'll be grown before you know it.