The Good Life is Not a Birthright

"Hey, guys.  I need you to bring down your dirty clothes."  No sound or movement from the children.  Five minutes pass.
"Aidan and Madeline, please bring me your dirty laundry."  Nothing.
"Now!".
"UUUUUUUGGGGHH", they moan in unison.
So for the bazillionth time I say to them, "Did I ask you to dig a ditch?  To pack up and go to war in the barren desert?" 
They bring me their laundry, but their attitudes stink.  Clearly my attempts to draw sharp contrasts to their cushy lives are ineffective.

Time to reassess my expectations and tactics.  So, the goal is to raise happy, kind, productive, self-sufficient people.  We're doing pretty well on happy and productive.  Both children are hard-working, devoted students who are also happily committed to their after school activities.  We need to work on kind and self-sufficient.  They are good, respectful, loving kids.  But, like most kids, they will do the bare minimum around the house.  And only when asked.  Several times.

Part of it is me.  Well, a lot of it has been me.  At first I didn't feel like they were old enough to help out around the house.  Then I didn't think they would do it to my satisfaction.  Now I see that these kids, who for all practical purposes are living the good life with their noses buried in their ipods, need to contribute more to their household.  They need to take personal responsibility for their space.  They need to value their home.  They need to know how to clean a toilet, fold laundry, and do some dishes for Pete's sake.

Sure, this lightens my load a bit.  But it's bigger than that.  Isn't this what I want my kids to do when they are grown?  Lift someone's burden?  Show compassion?  See beyond their own noses and help others?  I want them to grow up feeling that they are important, helpful, dependable members of this family.  My hope is that they carry this sense of duty into their friendships, their churches, and their own families. 

I believe that in the real world, when you want something, you work for it.  While we talk a lot about the value of money and putting material things in proper perspective, I don't think I have done enough to show them the amount of work that goes into running the household.  After all, the house has to be in running order so that we can eat, have friends over, and have clean dance clothes and team uniforms ready to go.  I'm pretty sure they don't appreciate the connection there.  Not yet.

In a world where you can get your meal as soon as you order it and you can Google your homework answers, I need to teach my kids that "the good life" is not a birthright.  It is not easy and it is not served on a silver platter.  Our children will not go to college and be handed a diploma without some measure of work.  They will not graduate and just fall into their dream jobs.  They will not build their families on selfishness and things.  They will arrive at these milestones through work and persistence.  How will they learn this monumental lesson in self-sufficiency if my husband and I are doing all of the doing and all of the giving?

So I am changing some things around here.  I am handing over the vacuum and the Pledge. More important, I will actively teach my kids to be aware of their capacity to help and serve others.  To offer their aid even when no one has asked. To contribute to a happy home, not just to be its benefactors.

I do not want my kids to ever feel entitled.  They need to know that they are blessed with a head start in life - a loving, supportive family that helps them study and cheers them on every step of the way.  They need to know that anything worthwhile takes work.  I want them to know that we are here on this planet to learn from one another and to give of ourselves.  It starts in this house.