When we are very small, our mothers' voices are our life guides: "Eat your veggies; they are good for you", or "Don't play in the street or you could get hit by a car",or "Be kind". Their words teach us, warn us, fill us up, and calm us down.
As we grow into the semi-independent teen years, our mothers are not always right there with us to remind us to floss, use our manners, or wear a seat belt. But we still hear their voices in moments of peer pressure and times of self-doubt. We know what they would say in that moment because they have already said it a thousand times. By this time in our lives, our mothers' voices have been ingrained in us; they are the roots of a burgeoning conscience.
In adulthood, we hopefully emerge as responsible people with a fully developed moral compass. Maybe we still hear our mothers' voices from time to time. Maybe we hear our own inner voices. Maybe we hear God. Whatever it is, it was our mothers who planted the seeds of intuition and good judgment all those years ago.
These thoughts dominate my mind as I think about a sweet family in our small community that lost a wife and mother just yesterday. Three young boys and their devoted father are now faced with a life without the heart of their family. She was amazing, striking a truly admirable balance between work and family. She gave those boys her time, love and humor every day. She knew she was raising young men and she actively worked to build strong, kind individuals.
Now that she is gone, I pray that the boys will listen closely and continue to hear her strong and certain voice. They will hear her and feel her. She will continue to guide, console, and love them because the groundwork she laid is so stellar.
I cannot imagine the pain of a young child losing his mother. I still get to see my mom, talk to her, and hear her voice every day. I benefit from her wisdom and friendship in my adult life. I know I will reach a point when I must try to remember the sound of her voice and when I can only speak to her in my heart. I dread that day.
This loss reminds me that, every day, I breathe my love, my faith, my morals, and my attitudes into my children. My voice builds their character and lights their way. I am so humbled to be charged with such an awesome responsibility. I must never, ever forget that my words today will be whispers on their hearts tomorrow. I need to make them count.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Dance Mom Handbook
Frankly, I have always been much more comfortable as a sports mom. But when Madeline gave up soccer and tried out for the dance company, I rode a huge learning curve.
You see all kinds at these dance competitions. You see mothers pulling in giant chests of drawers on wheels, complete with pink leopard print and a prominently bedazzled "Britney". You see the chaos of the dressing rooms with frantic dancers making quick changes. You see mothers and daughters sniping at each other under the stress of time constraints and nerves. But I have learned some things as a "dance mom" from my own mistakes, as well as watching some train wrecks that have become cautionary tales. So I find it incumbent on me to devise a brief handbook of sorts for fellow and future dance moms.
Rule #1. Organize. Participating in dance competitions can be an organizational nightmare. With quick changes involving different tights, costumes, shoes, hair, and multiple accessories, it behooves the dance mom to embrace the Ziploc bag and group everything according to performance.
Rule #2. Invest in a steamer. Travel and tulle do not mix. Learned that one this last weekend.
Rule #3. There is no quitting on your kid. Yes, our daughters get snippy with us under the pressure. They get nervous and flustered. We are their safe, easy targets. We teach them to manage the situation by sticking with them, showing them our own grace under pressure, and seeing them through the chaos. Their young brains cannot keep all of the proverbial balls in the air. They need us. We nip their griping in the bud and we stay and help. The only "lesson" you teach your kid by leaving her to flounder is that she is not worth the trouble. You signed her up for this. Step up.
Rule #4. Dance moms are not doormats. With rule #3 in mind, we dance moms are not "the help" and our daughters are not "the divas". I may be doing her hair and handing her earrings, but she is not the boss of me! Her dad and I make this all happen for her. And that is all I have to say for her to step back into herself.
Rule #5. They are more than dancers. Our girls work hard at this. They train, practice, and rehearse all year. They are dancers, but that is not all they are. They are daughters, sisters, friends, students, athletes, writers, etc. We must remind ourselves and our daughters that they have talents, skills, and value beyond the dance world. It is not who they are; it is what they love to do. There is a tremendous difference.
Rule #6. Be nice. Help other moms and/or their children who are new or who appear distressed. Honestly, we are grown-ups. Let's show our kids how NOT to be mean girls.
Rule #7. Follow Rules 1-6. This experience can be unbelievably fun for the dance mom and her daughter if they observe these rules. Set your daughter up for success, be an example of kindness, and let her have some fun. Make these memories good ones. She'll be grown before you know it.
You see all kinds at these dance competitions. You see mothers pulling in giant chests of drawers on wheels, complete with pink leopard print and a prominently bedazzled "Britney". You see the chaos of the dressing rooms with frantic dancers making quick changes. You see mothers and daughters sniping at each other under the stress of time constraints and nerves. But I have learned some things as a "dance mom" from my own mistakes, as well as watching some train wrecks that have become cautionary tales. So I find it incumbent on me to devise a brief handbook of sorts for fellow and future dance moms.
Rule #1. Organize. Participating in dance competitions can be an organizational nightmare. With quick changes involving different tights, costumes, shoes, hair, and multiple accessories, it behooves the dance mom to embrace the Ziploc bag and group everything according to performance.
Rule #2. Invest in a steamer. Travel and tulle do not mix. Learned that one this last weekend.
Rule #3. There is no quitting on your kid. Yes, our daughters get snippy with us under the pressure. They get nervous and flustered. We are their safe, easy targets. We teach them to manage the situation by sticking with them, showing them our own grace under pressure, and seeing them through the chaos. Their young brains cannot keep all of the proverbial balls in the air. They need us. We nip their griping in the bud and we stay and help. The only "lesson" you teach your kid by leaving her to flounder is that she is not worth the trouble. You signed her up for this. Step up.
Rule #4. Dance moms are not doormats. With rule #3 in mind, we dance moms are not "the help" and our daughters are not "the divas". I may be doing her hair and handing her earrings, but she is not the boss of me! Her dad and I make this all happen for her. And that is all I have to say for her to step back into herself.
Rule #5. They are more than dancers. Our girls work hard at this. They train, practice, and rehearse all year. They are dancers, but that is not all they are. They are daughters, sisters, friends, students, athletes, writers, etc. We must remind ourselves and our daughters that they have talents, skills, and value beyond the dance world. It is not who they are; it is what they love to do. There is a tremendous difference.
Rule #6. Be nice. Help other moms and/or their children who are new or who appear distressed. Honestly, we are grown-ups. Let's show our kids how NOT to be mean girls.
Rule #7. Follow Rules 1-6. This experience can be unbelievably fun for the dance mom and her daughter if they observe these rules. Set your daughter up for success, be an example of kindness, and let her have some fun. Make these memories good ones. She'll be grown before you know it.
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